IC INBOX

[hisstrength]

[...]

I can't talk right now. Leave a message if you want.

Comments

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Okay. Let me know if there's anything I can do to, I don't know. Make it easier.

[There's no fixing it, but maybe some things can be done anyway. She feels pretty useless, as it stands.]

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

[Ellie hesitates a little, takes a deep breath.]

... I've killed a whole lot of people, Tris. I don't -- I don't feel bad about it. There's a lot of times when it's been them or me, or them or Joel.

I feel like it should freak me out more than it does.

But then I think of this asshole, and I just. Wonder what the fuck I'm turning into.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Didn't it freak you out at first?

[Tris doesn't want to think about the first person she ever killed. But it's hard not to remember him now, and her hands are shaking already.]

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

... yeah. I felt like I was gonna throw up.

But then Joel got all pissed, and I was pissed at him because he wouldn't give me a fucking gun in the first place, just in case something like that happened and I had to use one, but what the hell was I supposed to do?

The asshole was drowning him in a foot of water, I just. Shot the hell out of that guy.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

And saved Joel's life.

[That seems like the most important part here.]

I don't... really know what to tell you, I mean. I'm not exactly a good person myself. Sometimes, bad things happen and you have to make a choice, you have to do something. [More quietly,] Sometimes, it's them or you, or it's them or someone important to you.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

... exactly.

He was mad for a while. But then he gave me a gun, and I started covering him. Sometimes, shit just happens.

Riley -- told me not to try to think about doing the right thing, or the heroic thing. Sometimes you just do the best you can do at the time.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

She's got a point. [But Tris sounds a little bitter.]

I'm glad he gave you a gun.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

I'm glad I picked it up.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Me too. Made it this far, right?

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

... do you ever wish it could have been-

Nevermind.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Different?

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

Yeah.

Different.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Yeah. ...All the time.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

I guess all we can do is make it worth something.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Yeah. I mean I don't really know how sometimes.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

Does anybody? Serious question.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

No idea. I've never asked anyone.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

Well.

I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, either.

voice; private

[hisstrength]

A lot of people always look like they've really got it together, but you know, I think you're right. They have no idea either.

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

Man, I hope at least somebody has it figured out.

That's what's supposed to happen when you grow up, right?

voice; private

[hisstrength]

Yeah. But seeing some of the grown-up people around Asgard, sometimes I don't know if they've really got any idea. Uhm. I don't suppose you've got anyone in mind to ask?

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

... psh.

The gods?

[She sounds hopeful, now, but also a mite worried. It's a hell of a thing to sit down and think about. A scary one. She's always assumed the adults in her life -- the ones she trusted -- knew exactly what they were doing.

Ellie's not sure when she realized that they're making it up as they go along, too.]

voice; private

[hisstrength]

They've definitely been alive longer than any of us. It's worth a shot.

[Tris isn't sure when she realized. Possibly it was somewhere down the road of 'some adults are liars' and 'some adults are just plain horrible people'. It's easy to get others to follow you when you have them convinced you know what you're doing, after all.]

voice; private

[tonsofpun]

D'you think-

What if we don't wanna know the answer?

voice; private

[hisstrength]

What's the worst thing it could be?